The Concept of Normality
by MyCookiesNotYours
Summary: When trying to catch Kira, Light faces difficulties keeping his secret because of an obnoxious sixteen year old girl. AU. Is it possible for it only to be partial AU? If so, then it's only partially AU.
1. Prologue

**The Concept of Normality**

The concept of normality greatly intrigues me, due to the fact that I am considered 'not normal'. That is to be expected when you are trying to explain the reason you have no record of ever being born, but it sounds completely and utterly crazy.

Now the reason I am considered to be crazy is because when asked why I have no record of birth or any form of I.D. I simply state "I come from another dimension, where there are no such things as Death Notes, and I've been transported into an anime where I must conceal my identity in order to stay alive." But that doesn't bug me because I live free, live large, and have the most fun I can.

Before you exit out of this going 'oh just another stupid story about a girl who was transported from the real world into anime' I suggest you take a moment to read the rest of this prologue.

Hi I'm Katy, and I'm a Shinigami. A Shinigami like Ichigo from Bleach, not really like Rem or Ryuk from Death Note. But all Shinigami rules apply to me from both Bleach and Death Note. Sometime I wonder why though.

I've been here for a few months now; it's really not that bad. Aside from the fact my job requires me to steal. Yes, I'm a conman. Not a very good one, but a conman nonetheless.

I don't mean to complain, but when you have no form of I.D. there aren't very many jobs you can find.

Before I came here I'd been watching the show and I know what's going on. I've discovered that I was placed in this anime around the time of the first episode, and I'm now in an episode after Ryuuzaki dies.

By the way, don't call me a Mary Sue, I really hate it, but… If I concentrate really hard I can read someone's mind. I guess it's to be expected though; Mary Sues generally have some sort of super power. But then again, how is being a psychic being a Mary Sue?

This story will not be centered about my arrival in this anime, but on the current events instead, due to the fact it would be way more interesting!


	2. An Eventful Night

**The Concept of Normality**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Matt(Though I wish I did XD)... or Death Note... Or even a Death Note.**

**Warning: Suggestive themes, implications of Yaoi, profanity, complete nonsense, and stupidity. By the way It's rated M for a reason.**

**Oh, another thing is, I don't know Japanese, so anything in Japanese will be in parentheses. You know, these: ( )**

Darkness is approaching, consuming the streets whole. An abyss swallowing the pitiful Earth, inch by inch. Devouring innocents in seconds. It's nearing rather quickly, and I'm terrified.

As soon it hovers above I panic. I run through the darkened streets praying for my life, hoping I don't get killed yet again.

There I see it, a small coffee shop. Without hesitation I intrude the nearly empty store, my heart still racing as a wave of relief washes over me.

I find it quite pathetic, but this is my quirk; I am afraid of the dark. Of course 'afraid' being the understatement of the century.

Enough about that, it's rather unnerving to talk about it. My feet hurt really bad, wearing those stupid heels. I know, why was I wearing heels and running?

Duh, as if it weren't obvious, I was wearing them before I started running.

I quickly walk over to a seat in the corner of the coffee shop, analysing the current occupants.

A woman and a man occupied a table on the far side of the room, two teenagers sat relaxed at the couch, and three men sat at a table barely five feet away from where I sat.

But I took great notice to the fact that one of the three men at that particular table happened to be Light. Another being Matsuda, and the last being Near.

Why, you ask, were they all there? How should I know?

Maybe if I eavesdr-- listen to them, then I might be able to find out.

"(I'm just saying Near, if a boy doesn't experience the stuff required for one to be normal, well, you'll end up becoming quite _ab_normal.)" Light pointed his fork in Near's direction.

"(You know, Near, he has a point. I didn't get to experience all the normal things boys generally were exposed to, and you may not believe this but, _compared to other men my age, I'm not normal.)_" Matsuda informed.

"(Oh dear god, you don't say?)" Near sarcastically replied. "(No, no, I'm serious. Men my age aren't generally so in touch with all their feelings, but I am. Wait... Light? How is that bad if I'm more in touch with my feelings, when most men aren't?)" Matsuda questioned Light.

"..."

"(Because, he doesn't want me to be gay like you.)" Near snarkily replied for Light.

"(Near, that is not true! I mean... Matsuda's not gay. Besides, your sexuality is none of my concern.)" Light retorted.

"(That was mean... I'm not gay Near, just very feminine...)" Matsuda murmured.

"(Yeah, so feminine that you cling onto guys every time there's a spider in the office. Oh, and that time you screamed because Misa was drunk and flashed you? Nah, that's not gay at _all.)_" Near mused.

Okay, so their conversation wasn't exactly what I thought it to be. You know, something about the Kira case.

"(Are you Kira?)" Near asked. "(What?! No! Stop asking me every few minutes!)" Light snappped. "(Up two percent.)" Near informed.

"(Will you stop that! Just because I get frustrated, like everyone else mind you, does not mean I'm Kira!)" Light all but yelled.

"(I didn't say you _are_ Kira, just that the _possibility _of you being Kira has gone up two percent.)" Near smirked.

Did he just get outsmarted by a ten year old? Or _is_ he ten? Mind reading skills activate!

Nah, I'm kidding, that's not how it works.

_Light has come to the conclusion that I'm certain he's Kira, but I can't exactly be sure. Yes, there is a high possibility that my theory is in fact true, but I have no proof. I could try to make him believe that I not only believe he is, but also that I have evidence that will prove he is in fact Kira._

Okay, I should've tried the sub-conscience, not the, uh, conscience.

_Nate River; sixteen years old; rival: Mihael Keehl, a.k.a. Mello; role-model is the recently deceased Ryuuzaki a.k.a. L._

Okay, the name I already know, age I didn't.

You know, I know the weirdest shit, yet I can't even remember a simple thing such as age.

"(You know Near, you could try being nicer. Because no girl is going to want to be with a mean guy.)" Matsuda said.

"(Who said I wanted a girlfriend?)" Near asked.

"(Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were gay..)" At this, Near spat out the contents in his mouth.

"(Wha-what?! I'm not gay! I'm just asking, who said that I wanted a relationship with _anybody_?)" Near stammered.

"(Nobody did.)" Light replied.

"(Hey Near, you should try chatting up that girl over there.)" Excuse me?! No thank you! Matsuda is totally right, Near is a jerk!

"(What did I just say? I don't want a relationship.)" Near growled.

"(Fine, you don't want to stay on the Kira case..)" Light retorted.

"(You have no authority over whether or not I stay on the case. Because you better face the fact that I'm about three times as smart as you, and I could easily work on the case behind your back.)" Near spat back.

"(Do you want to bet?)" Light asked.

Near angrily pushed his chair back, and stormed over to me.

Damn it. Why do I always have to deal with the jerks?

"I'm Near, and I've been forced to talk with you." Near uninterestedly ground out.

"I'm Kayla. And your rude." I replied.

"Excuse me?" Near asked, angrily.

"Your very rude." I repeated.

"Shut up, and sit down. I heard everything you and your friends were saying, and I don't wish to become your friend, or anything else that has to do with you." I spat.

"I'm rude?!" Near asked, clearly agitated.

"Yes. But that's not the point. I have some information on Kira." That shut him up.

"Come with me back to my office." He's funny.

"Hahahahaha! No." I replied.

" You seem to think you have a choice, but you don't. Anything pertaining to the Kira case is my business, so you'll have to come with me." Near remarked.

"If you don't leave me alone I will scream." I growled.

"Am I supposed to care?" Near asked. "You know I could just call some of my friends to come pick you up."

"Okay that's it, I'm going to scream." No, I'm not joking.

"Your bluffing." Wanna bet?

"Help! Help! Somebody help me! He's trying to rape me!" I bellowed out.

"(Excuse me miss, but people are trying to enjoy their meal, please don't scream.)" A waiter said.

"(This guy is a pervert! He's trying to get me to come home with him, like I'm some stripper! I'm not! He's trying to RAPE me!)" I screamed quietly (as if possible.)

"(Don't listen to my girlfriend, she's a compulsive liar.)"

"(Well, then please ask your girlfriend to be quiet, because your upsetting the other customers.)" The lady said.

"(Oh, so now I'm your girlfriend?!)" I asked.

"(When have you not been?)" I don't know what the hell he's doing.

"(Is this man not your boyfriend?)" The woman asked. Damn, I really should get her name..

"(Not any more. He dumped me for his best friend. A guy. His name is Mello.)"

"(You did what?!)" The woman shrieked.

"(Like I said, she's a compulsive liar. I did not leave her for my friend-)" "(_Best._)"

"( I did not leave her for my _best_friend. Because, to put it frankly, Mello is neither my friend, nor is he my lover.)" Damn, Near is good... But I'm better.

"(Then why did you kiss him?!)" I started crying.

"(I did no such thing!)" Near yelled.

"(Excuse, Near, is there a problem?)" Light asked.

"(Yes, my girlfriend says I left her for my best friend Mello, even though just a minute ago I said I wasn't gay. Isn't that right?)" Near asked.

"(You never said you had a girlfriend.)" Light replied.

"(And you said you didn't want one.)" Matsuda added.

"(See, he was going to leave me anyway! You know what, I'm so over you! I liked Matt alot better than you anyway!)"

"(Oh, I know who Mello is!)" The lady exclaimed.

"(Have you seen him? He wears tight leather, and I think that's what turned Near gay... Seeing that cute ass, day in, day out...)" I dragged off.

"(Oh yeah! It's so hot! It's just too bad he's not a girl...)" The lady sighed.

"(I'm totally giving up on guys, they are all hopeless. Hey, maybe you and I could catch a movie?)" I ask. In all reality she seemed really nice.

"(Okay! But, um... What's your name?)"

"( My name is Kayla. What's yours?)" I reply.

"(Nami... Um, what time?)" Nami asked. Finally got her name!

"(Tomorrow at 7PM okay?)"

"(Totally!)"

"(Near, what just happened?)" Matsuda asked.

"(I believe my girlfriend just asked another girl on a date.)" He replied, disbelieving his eyes as I kissed her.

"(I'll come by tomorrow for our date!)" I said, walking out the door.

"(Oh no you don't! You need to come down to the station. Light, she has information on Kira.)"

Light's eyes opened wider, if only for a fraction. Matsuda cheered.

"(Kira is going to get caught!)" He chanted repeatedly.

* * *

"Due to the fact I know every single one of you knows English, I don't feel the need for me to speak Japanese."

"Yes, but we're not that fluent, so if you don't mind speaking slower so we can understand, that would be great." Light asked- well actually told me.

"Yeah, whatever. Can't be to much of a bother. I don't speak very fast anyway."

"Ooh! Can you sing?!" Matsuda asked.

"I can."

"Will you sing with me?" Matsuda pleaded.

"Dude, cool your jets. I never said I was any good."

"Please? It really doesn't matter, I just need someone to sing this song with me!"

"What song is it?"

"Every Time We Touch."

"Oh hell-" There was this evil look in Near's eyes that made me think if I didn't he'd somehow obtain the Death Note and kill me."Sure."

"Yay!"

* * *

"I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me." I sang, rather loudly, and I'm sure some parts were off key..

"I still feel your touch in my dreams!"

"Matsuda, that's disgusting!" I yell.

"What? It's part of the song..."

"Pick a different one."

* * *

"He's my best friend, best of all best friends, do you have a best friend too? He.. tickles my... tummy? He's so... yummy, yummy? Matsuda, what the fuck!?"

"I swear, it's part of the song!"

"Well, I swear your uploading the wrong lyrics!"

* * *

"I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her her cherry chap stick. I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it." I serenaded Near.

"Light, she has issues."

"I've noticed."

**A/N: Okay, sorry, I promised a chapter, and I delivered it, not matter how stupid it actually was. Because I'll tell you this much, it sucks less than the first draft..**

**No, I'm serious. It's _WAY_ better.**

* * *


	3. Bash, Rash, and Crash

**Title:** The Concept of Normality  
**Author: **Yoko**, MyCookiesNotYours  
Pairings:** Was Near/OC.  
**Genre:** Humor.  
**Rating: M.  
Spoilers: A few I guess.  
Word Count:**Because I might be quite OCD... 1830 so far.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Death Note, Death Note owns me.  
**Author's Note: ****I don't know Japanese, so anything in Japanese will be in parentheses. You know, these: ( )**

Last night they couldn't prepare a room for me because, well I don't know why, but I ended up sleeping on a couch in the computer room.. thing. Yeah, thing. Because I'm a dolt and can't learn the names for anything except for the stuff that actually interests me.

But I wasn't alone. Matsuda slept on the floor in front of the couch I slept on. Near said it was 'to ensure my safety' but I know he just doesn't trust me. I don't blame him. I mean, _I_ wouldn't trust me.

Near is a super genius. Not to mention, he's a super genius, and only _sixteen. _So, obviously he doesn't just not trust me. There has got to be some reason.

Okay, I'm really stupid.

It has to be the fact that I know some crap about Kira, and if it isn't obvious by now, in order for me to obtain information I'd have to have some sort of connection, right?

Maybe Near thinks I'm some sort of spy sent by Kira to get his real name or something. I mean, that does seem like something Light would do. If you didn't know how the hell he thought, it would.

"Kayla, are you listening?" Matsuda asked.

"Huh? When did you start talking?"

"...Never mind. Do you want some breakfast?"

"Not hungry. I'm gonna get some water though..."

"Wait! I'll get it for you!" Matsuda stammered.

Does he think I'm incapable of getting water without breaking something? I am most certainly--not capable of such a thing...

"Uh, thanks." He left the room momentarily before rushing back in, holding a cold water bottle.

"We don't have any clean cups. Near says they wouldn't be clean after we put them in the cupboard anyway, so he threw them all away. But then Light said that he should've recycled them, because he was killing the planet when he did that, and he should--"

He just kept rambling on, and on, and on, and on... and holy crap, so am I.

"--Then Near said that Mello should try on some jeans, because they would look better than leather, but Mello said that leather was sexy, and no way was he going to stop wearing it. But then Near said the creepiest thing! Wanna know what it was?"

"Sure."

"He said that Mello looked really sexy in leather and that he should wear it more often. Mello got really freaked out, and stalked out the door muttering about changing into jeans. Then Near said he knew it would work." Matsuda managed, all on ONE breath.

"...Damn." Near walked in, pajama clad, and holding his Transformer.

"You play with dolls?" I ask.

"...Action figures, actually."

"They're just as much of action figures as Barbies are, Near."

"This is Optimus Prime."

"Holy crap is Optimus Prime! Near, it's a doll."

"I hardly think you can classify a crime fighting _action figure_ to be in the same category as Barbies_."_

"I can and did."

After my little debate with Near I went into the bathroom, only to be followed by Near _and_ Matsuda.

"Um, privacy please?" I snarl.

"Potential witness. I cannot jeopardise anything per-" "Pertaining to the Kira case. I know. But this is going a little far. I mean, at least give me a girl security guard, or something."

"Unfortunately, we have none. Although I'm certain Light's girlfriend Misa Amane, would be willing to escort you around. She seems to like hanging around Matsuda, I see no reason why she wouldn't like you."

I'm not sure if that was an insult or a compliment. But it sounded like an insult.

"Whatever."

I walk into the bathroom and quickly slam the door shut.

"Kayla, didn't we just go through this?" Near pounded on the door.

"You know Near, if you keep pounding on the door, and I happen to actually get attacked or something, you won't be able to hear ANYTHING."

The pounding stopped, but whispers could be heard from the other room, than an excited sounding scream blared through the building.

Damn Misa was loud.

"(Yes! I will! It'll be like having my own little sister!)"

Yeah sure, she's eight years older than me, but I'm twice as mature as she is.

So in all actuality, I'd be_ her_ older sister.

"(Please keep in mind, she's a VIP, and must be kept in view at all times.)"

"(Yessir! But gosh, you make her sound like a gawddamned monkey or something. She can keep out of trouble, can't she?)"

"(Misa, don't talk like that to Near!)"

"(..I'm sorry.)" Even though I couldn't see it, I could hear Misa pouting, it was that obvious.

"(Misa, don't pout. You know I don't like it.)"

"(Nyah!)" That's where she probably stuck her tongue out.

"(Misa, behave.)" Is she a fucking dog now? No, she's just a bitch that Light fucks.

"(I am a human being Light, and if you don't wish to acknowlegde that, you might as well leave.)"

"(If I may butt in-)" "(No you may not! This is a personal argument Near.)"

"(No offense, but it's a not personal in front of several people Misa.)"

Wow, he's sort of acting like me. No, I resent saying that, I am nothing like Near, and he is nothing like me.

I walked out of the bathroom just in time to see Misa leave.

"(I'm going shopping, come on Mogi.)" And just like the little lap dog he is, he followed.

"(Woof, woof, Mogi. Woof, woof.)" I smirk.

"(What was that you little punk?!)"

"(Nothing.)"

"(Come one Mogi, I don't have all day.)"

"Hey Light, how's your girlfriend Kiyomi?"

"She is not my girlfriend."

I roll my eyes and walk to the couch. "Sure."

Then Light starts talking, god knows what the hell he's saying, because I sure ain't listening.

Before realising he wasn't finished lecturing me, or something, I dig around in my pocket and fished out an MP3 player, and a pair of earbuds.

I carefully place them in my ears, and turn the music up, drowning out Light's bitching.

"If you were gay -Light, I know you are-, that'd be okay -for Ryuuzaki- 'cause I mean hey I'd -dis-like you anyway. I know that you'd except me too, if I said today, hey guess what I'm gay, but I'm not gay -completely anyway-. If you were queer -which I know you are- I'd still be here, because you're -not- dear to me." I kept singing random parts of that song, without the device even being on.

"What?!" Damn it, I just realised, regardless of whether the volume was up on max, without it turned on it would be ineffective.

"I am not gay! And definitely not for Ryuuzaki! I mean, that's just.. disgusting!"

"Is not. It's totally hot to be gay. I mean look at me, last night I got a date, and I have a boyfriend already."

"Which would be called cheating."

"As apposed to what you and Kiyomi are doing? At least I'm not lying to Near. Oh crap, my date is supposed ot be in a half hour!"

I hurriedly rush out the door to the coffee shop to pick up Nami.

* * *

It's only forty-five minutes after she left, why is she back already?

Do dates normally last for short periods of time? No, impossible, they were going to the movies, which would've taken them about three hours, plus they would've gotten something to eat, which be another hour or so.

"Back so soon?"

"Nami got run over."

"What?!" Light, Matsuda, and Misa screamed. I am not someone who screams.

"She. Got. Ran. Over. Big mess, really. Drunken truck driver ran a f'in red light and she was knocked about thirty feet before hitting the ground with a huge splat." She was pretty unemotional for someone who just witnessed a death.

"That's horrible!" Misa speaks english too people.

"I'm just joking, she stood me up. She's really some rich snob pranking me for the hell of it. Although, if I had the chance, I won't say I wouldn't of pushed her into oncoming traffic." It is possible that _she_ is Kira.

"Kayla, that's a horrible thing to say!" Matsuda lectured.

"Well, at least I didn't actually follow through with it."

"I have my doubts about that."

"What?! So now I'm a liar?!"

"After analysing your behavior patterns, I've concluded your a rash person, you let your emotions get the better of you."

"Light, if she is a rash person as you say she is, she will not take your 'words of wisdom' lightly." I inquire.

"Well, I'm not a rash person, and my emotions don't effect the overall result of what I'm about to do."

She walked over to Light and pantsed him.

"No, I did that because I thought it would be fun. And guess what! It was."

Light's jaw dropped and he stared in shock at the girl brave enough to embaress a lead detective as himself.

"Now, I gotta go buy me some cookies..." She took the keys to the room, and walked out the door.

Rash was not the word I had in mind when thinking of that girl.

"BTW, Near a female can only be called a girl when under the age of thirteen." She yelled from th hall.

Kayla strutted outside of the building, keys in hand.

She took her time looking around, searching for something. Searching for someone.

"Ah, there he is." She took off running after the man.

"Mel, hey wait up!" The man was taken aback by the sudden scream of his name.

"Who the hell are you?" He asked.

"My name is Kayla, I've been leaving letters on your motorcycle." She answered.

"Your the creep stalking me?"

"I prefer to call it spying. Oh, but I'm not working for anyone, just needed to talk to you."

"Fine, what is it?"

"Well..."

**A/N: Suspense! Hopefully this'll keep you hooked until the next chapter! Probably won't though because I keep pulling shit out of my ass for this, but at least I'm trying! I hope you all give _REVIEWS_!**


	4. Swearing For Fun

**Title: The Concept of Normality**  
**Author: **Yoko**, MyCookiesNotYours  
Pairings: But it would ruin the ending!**  
**Genre:** Humor/Mystery.  
**Rating: M for safety purposes.  
Spoilers: A few.  
Word Count: **I am a little OCD... 1120.  
**Disclaimer:**I don't own Death Note, it pathetically owns me.

* * *

"Well..." Kayla looked around, hoping to deter his attention. "Can I please come back to your house first?" I shuffled around on my feet uncomfortably. Mello stared directly at her, causing her to blush. He threw his helmet at her, and walked to his bike.

"Yeah, whatever. But kid, you have no idea what you're getting into." I huffed indignantly, and buckled the helmet on, while Mello stood impatiently by his bike. "I am not a kid, I am sixteen years old, and should be treated as such." Mello hopped on, gesturing her to do the same. He quickly warmed his bike up, and sped off down the main street, earning a few honks.

"You're going pretty fast for rush hour, you should really slow down." Mello rolled his eyes, then ventured into an alley. "Don't get so scared, I was only going two miles above the speed limit, and rush hour doesn't even start for another hour." Mello climbed off the motorcycle, and scaled a ladder in the far back corner of the alley. She immediately followed, unsure of where he was going. He maneuvered through a window, and reached down to pull her up, nearly scaring her to death.

"Oh come on, how was I supposed to know you'd freak out if I offered my hand?" Mello took out a key and unlocked his apartment door. "You're supposed to be a genius, that's how."

'How was I supposed to know?' How was he _not_supposed to know? He was a genius, no a freaking prodigy, yet he can't tell when someone's scared?

"Mello we're out of mi-- Who's that?" Matt looked up from his gameboy, shocking her.

"I love you! And I normally don't do this but... I can't help it!" Kayla threw herself at him, effectively glomping him. Mello watched completely enthralled as Kayla squeezed him until he nearly turned blue. "Can't you see I'm playing a game?" Kayla blushed a bright crimson, and hurriedly backed off of him.

Mello was amused with how fast her emotions changed. That's saying something, considering he doesn't normally care about any other person, with an exception of Matt.

"I'm... I'm Kayla by the way..." She sat timidly on the couch, tugging at the hem of skirt when she did so. Mello laughed. Her eyebrows creased and she glared at him.

"What's so funny?" She continued to tug at the hem of skirt, willing it to go closer down to her ankles.

"If you didn't want your skirt riding up, why the hell did you wear it so short?" Kayla blushed profusely, and turned away, making Mello laugh even harder.

"It's not like I had a choice." Matt stealthily watched as Kayla and Mello had a mini conversation.

"So who's choice was it, if it wasn't your's?" Mello continued to laugh at her poor choice of wording. "Never mind..." Mello walked to the fridge, and pulled out a box of pizza, which he greedily shoved in his mouth. "No, you tell me."

"Fine, Near refused to provide me with any more clothing than what I was wearing at the time we met, and would not allow me to go home and get more."

Mello started laughing, and Kayla immediately regretted telling him the truth. "See Matt, it wasn't just my imagination, Near really is a jerk!" Matt prepared himself for the next few moments, which would consist of; Mello bragging, teasing him, laughing in his face, and telling him he needs to stop epic-failing.

"I knew I was right all along, but of course it's pretty easy to be right when the other person is at a lower level of intelligence. So... HAHAHAHA! Dude, seriously, one epic failure was enough, I felt sorry for you then, but this is getting ridiculous!" Mello continued on his tormenting, while Matt tried his best to ignore him.

"Hey! Stop it! I thought you were more mature than Near! But this is one thing I'll admit to being wrong about!" Kayla plopped down onto the couch, swinging her legs over the side. Matt grabbed her arm and pulled her up, so he could sit down. "Excuse me."

"I could've sat on you instead." Kayla laughed, then sat up correctly.

"Why didn't you? I wouldn't mind you sitting on m-- Ahem... I mean, it wouldn't agitate me if you did so..." Kayla flushed, and the other two stared.

"What was that? Were you just hitting on Matt?" Kayla indignantly huffed. No of course not! Matt was... Lazy, and seemed to not eat much, and... He was lazy? Oh yeah! He would totally look better with red head hair! Not the typical red hair, which was actually orange, but like crimson red hair! Wait, no! Maybe to other people, but most definitely not to her!

" 'Hitting on'? Are you crazy!? I was most definitely not! I just worded it weirdly..."

"Uh-huh, _sure_." Mello rolled his eyes, for the umpteenth time.

"Listen, it was fun meeting you two, but Near is going to have my head if I don't return before sunset, leaving me decapitated, and... dead... Which isn't exactly possible... But whatever. Bye." Kayla dove out the window, effectively making them yell.

"Kayla!? Damnit, Matt, the police will think we did this too..." They looked down, only to find a empty alley, and Kayla screaming back at them from the end.

"Sorry! I just needed to take a short cut!" Kayla she flashed a smile at them, turned around, and sprinted off towards the office.

" 'SHORT CUT'!? THAT WAS A FUCKING SWAN DIVE OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW STRAIGHT ONTO THE FUCKING PAVEMENT!" Mello screamed.

"At least we won't have to clean the mess up..." Mello thonked the side of Matt's head, suggesting Matt's idiocy.

"Bye, STUPID FUCK!" Mello screamed. "STOP SWEARING YOU FUCKTARD! IT'S THE MOST DISGUSTING THING BESIDES MASTURBATION THAT YOU CAN DO!"

"NO, I COULD'VE RAPED YOU!"

"DIPSHIT, LIKE THAT WAS EVEN AN OPTION!"

" WHO SAID I WANTED TO?!"

"YOU _IMPLIED _IT." Mello was got. Matt laughed at his best friend's state of shock, after realising he totally just got pwned by a girl half his size.

"She pwned your ass."

"Well, I pwned yours, ergo, she pwned _yours_ too, moron."


	5. Your Kidding Me, Right?

**Title: The Concept Of Normailty  
**  
**Rating: T.  
Word Count: 1150**

**Disclaimer:** _Does it say copyright MyCookiesNotYours? No, no, it does not.. _

* * *

Kayla returned to the office, but refused to go inside. 'This'll annoy him!' She thought.

Near sat awkwardly on his 'spinny chair', as Matsuda dubbed it. The poor man couldn't ever remember anything containing more than two words...

'He should just give my fucking clothes, and my own fucking room! But no, now I know he thinks I'm somehow Kira... Dude, that's just severely fucked up, especially when you talk the case over with him everyday, when you sit next to him, everyday! Wait... That's even more fucked up! The whole story line is whacked! I mean, where is L, I know he's not dead now! I screwed things up when I came here, didn't I?' Kayla mentally killed herself, but nevertheless, kept on with her plan.

She quietly crept along the side of the building, until she reached the alley, and she took out a lighter from one of her boots.

"Crap!" She said, when her lighter refused to light. "Today is just not my day! I get kidnapped by the two hottest characters, and I can't even talk to them properly without getting angry- OW! Shit!" She looked down at her sleeve, which was now singed, and at her hand that looked like a barbecue pit.

"I hate getting burned..." Her hand quickly healed, and all that was there as evidence was the slightly burned sleeve of her black coat.

Suddenly, she had this great notion to look up, and as she did, a woman was throwing her husbands bags out the window.

"No, babe, we can work this ou--NOT MY AUTOGRAPHED BASBALL!!" The guy jumped ot the window, and kept going.

"My day is so cliche, I'm starting to think some teenager with no writing skills is writing my future down this very instant..."

The guy landed on the ground with a soft thump, and Kayla pulled out a small black journal.

"State your name, wise guy." The guy looked up at her like she was crazy, and then stood up.

"Name's Daichi Nakamura." Kayla cocked her head. "You have got to be kidding me. Isn't Daichi supposed to mean great wisdom or something?" The guy kept looking at her, except now, like she was crazy.

"So?"

" 'So?' I mean, come on, you just fucking flew out the window for fuck's sake! And, whatever you did, obviously pissed that woman off!"

The guy faultered. His name was Daichi, it did mean great wisdom, he did jump out of the window for a baseball which could easily be replaced (or not so easily), and he did piss off his girlfriend.

"I'm going to be dead aren't I?" Kayla squeaked out a little chuckle, and patted him on the back.

"You already ARE dead." The guy fainted, and Kayla had to wait for him to wake up to finish it.

"How old are you, where were you born, where do you live now, and what is your current, ahem, previous job?"

"23, Nagano hospital, currently I'm homeless my girlfriend just kicked me out, I worked at the building right there on security detail."

Splendid, not only did she have to deal with him right now, they were going to be down a guard, or whatever, and.. 'That's just fan-fucking-tastic!'

Quickly she wrote down the information, and pulled out a long brown... stick?

"What are you doing with that stick?"

"Temporary witch, don't ask. Okay, I'm going to say something, then you're going to need to repeat this after I'm done '_Corpocosm mortcosm moi abcosm cryptoepbi_', got it?" The man nodded head.

"_Expelium andrauto admortocosm chronclus col apmhi androcorp_." Her wand glowed a neon green, and stopped.

"Um... Corpo..cosm... mortcosm moi... abcosm cryptoep..bi?" Kayla waved her wand, then shoved it into his gut.

"Sorry, death's a bitch. Coming in, and going out." With a pop, he vanished.

"Shinigami God, could that spell have any more 'cosm's in it? One more, I wouldv'e had a _spasm_!"

Dusting off her dress, she pocketed slipped her wand and her lighter in her boot, walking to the door of the building.

Near stood waiting, seeing as it was already two hours after she was supposed to be there.

"Where were you?"

"Nowhere, DEAR. I just needed to take care of somethings... Well, actually two somethings, one that I didn't even know I had to do."

Near rolled his eyes.

"I have a question, how come you're so much different then you weer three years from now when you captured Kira? It's almost a pity you're not the same, of course, no one else is quite the same either. For instance, L's not dead, neither is Beyond, Raito's isn't dead, and his dad Socihiro isn't dead. Did me coming here screw everything up? I guess the butterfly effect is truly real." Kayla brushed right past Near, her shoulder shoving him on her way through.

"What are you talking about, you idiot? Nothing has changed, and nothing ever will. I have no idea why you're going on aout how we were in the future, when it clearly hasn't happened."

"Because Near, it has. It's happened three times, and apparently, the people sent as Shinigami's to fix it, obviously screwed up. I was sent as a last resort, from somewhere in the fucking UNITED STATES! I don't even remember coming here! Now, if I screw this up again, the only way to get out is to find... Something of mine, something very important if I ever want to see my life again."

"How? This is the first it's happened, I know this because it's impossible for it to happen more than once."

"Oh really? Is it impossible that someone is shot, but not even hit?"

"Yes, it's called a bullet proof vest your imbecile!"

"Fine," Kayla opened the front of her jacket, and pulled her dress down to expose her chest. "You got enough proof I'm not wearing a bullet proof vest!?" Near dumbly nodded.

"Here's your proof!" Kayla lunged forward, and started strangling him, but was shot several times by security.

She laughed, and stood straight up, large holes running through her like she was Swiss cheese.

"That enough proof?" Near stared in disbelief. There was absolutely no way she just got shot, had holes running through her, and was standing up talking like it didn't happen.

"Good, now if you need me, and I mean NEED me, I'll be in the interrogation cell. At least there I get more privacy! And that's saying something with all those cameras!"


End file.
